A confused affair
by Lotsofspunk
Summary: Katniss finds herself bored of Peeta and wants to hook up with Gale. This is my first fanfic so please leave reviews! I don't know what I'm doing so any points would be much appreciated :)
1. Chapter 1

I woke up feeling nauseous, the images of fire and burning sisters still branded across my retinas. The snow was flurrying around outside my window and I turned to seek Peeta who would have normally woken me in these situations only to find a cold indent upon the mattress. He must have had to spend the night at the bakery again. I pulled up the blanket around me, feeling utterly betrayed and helpless, and despite the knowledge that I was being unreasonable, I spent most of the early morning huddled up in bed nurturing wounded feelings and half wishing I could be with Peeta at the bakery.

When my stomach called, I climbed out of bed. My muscles were against me today as I'd taken it upon myself to stock up the day before, after a warning from the Capitol had predicted heavy snow to fall last night. I slowly, carefully built up a fire in the hearth and remained there a couple of minutes gazing into the flames, my mind flicking back to another time that I was trying to let go of...another set of flames that consumed flesh like these consumed wood... Trying to push past the images flooding my head, I got up, and decided to make myself some decent breakfast. After spending half an hour hobbling around the kitchen, desperately searching for something I could cook, I settled on a single gooses egg that was half hidden behind a box of mint tea.

When I was almost done (I take my time with eating these days) the phone rang. I looked at it across the room, willing it to shut up, but there was a chance it could be Peeta, so I struggled over to pick up.

"Hey Catnip,"

My heart froze at the familiarity of the greeting.

"Ummm...hi?" I wasn't sure what to say. Gale hadn't contacted me in 4 years after I told him I was marrying Peeta for real this time and I hadn't seen him since before I shot Coin. Why was he contacting me now?

"I feel bad that we've spoken so long and just wanted to find out how you were..." His voice trailed off. I hate the idea that he's still trying to get to me, still loves me, still is living the past I'm desperate to forget. But there's something there that draws me in. I loved Gale once and maybe there's one part of me that always has and will:do for as long as I live.

"I'm struggling along," I say wearily, "but...somedays it hurts Gale, somedays it hurts a lot.."

"I know..." He whispers, and the understanding between us is as alive as it was before. "How do you cope?" I ask, tears slipping down my cheeks, "how can you live while those we killed are lying in their graves?" I break down, sobbing, my back pressed against the wall, wishing Peeta or Gale were there to hold me whilst images my brain unwillingly keeps remembering burn across my vision.

"Katniss..." He whispers,"would you come and see me? It could help.." He trails off again, and though I'm struck by the thought of seeing my oldest friend again, I'm scared. I'm scared I will, through doing so, lose Peeta.

My heart beats, and I say yes.

What have I agreed to?

KlnThe trip is to be two weeks from now, we agree, and I know what I can tell Peeta. I haven't seen Annie in over three months, and we do genuinely have a good friendship. Peeta won't disagree.

I sat by the fire, the rest of my egg unfinished, delving deep into the decision I had just made until Peeta got home. It was about 10 o'clock when he arrived and he was exhausted. "Hey", I was glad he was home, but he didnt reply, just nodded and collapsed onto the sofa. I stared at him for a moment, feeling moderately guilty.

"Get some sleep." I said, "I'll be back in the afternoon. Don't you dare go back to work." It was an order Peeta was willing to follow, and in less than a second he was fast asleep. I continued looking at him for a second, then got up, pulled on my hunting jacket, grabbed my bow and was gone.

I regretted leaving the moment I had left. My muscles were still aching from the previous day's trek, but I felt in need of air, of freedom from Peeta and the house.

It was late when I returned home. Too late. Peeta appeared not to have moved and was still asleep, but dirty dishes in the sink told me that he'd eaten. I cleaned his plates, and made such a clattering that he woke up. "Hi," he said, rubbing his eyes and smiling dreamily at her, "looking fine today katniss" I laughed, slightly uncomfortably, and having finished cleaning the plates, wandered over to him. I leant down and our lips touched. Peeta was feeling particularly needy, and reaching up to touch my breast, began unbuckling his trousers with his other hand. Despite slightly bored of his sex, I went along with it. I rubbed him and he rubbed me and we got undressed and sooner rather than later he was in usual, it didn't last particularly long. Two minutes after I had kissed him, there was cum on her stomach and Peeta was breathing heavily. "I love you," he whispered although I felt guilty about it, I replied " I love you too," anyway.

I told him I'd be going away during breakfast the following asn't complaining. "We'd better get it on again in that case." He said, slightly ruefully. I laughed, kissed on the forehead, and did not oblige him. I had to get hunting again and he had to get baking and we both knew it. However I left feeling slightly disorientated, like our short relationship was already falling apart.


	2. Chapter 2

The following two weeks passed quite quickly. Nothing particularly scandalous happened in 12 but Peeta and I had sex once a day, more often than ever before. I began to find myself thinking about what sex would be like with Gale sometimes even when Peeta and I were doing it. Peetas body was soft now that he could hire someone to carry the flour, and that was what I'd become accomstomed to. But the idea of gales muscled hard abs ignited a new kind of fire in me that brought a kind of passion to sex that had been missing in my relationship with peeta. Fortunately, most of the time Peeta was too tired or too hard to notice anything different about me so when the time came for me to leave he still didn't suspect a thing.

On the morning of my departure Gale called again. Luckily Peeta was still asleep so he wasn't aware of it. The unhidden excitement in Gale's voice seemed to infect me and all throughout the morning I was skittish and clumsy with excitement. I did try to hide it to the best of my ability though, because Peeta seemed genuinely downcast and unhappy at the prospect of my departure. I felt weird and giddy with excitement and tried on countless moments to picture the moment that we met. I hoped that it would be romantic, but it seemed considerably more likely just to be insanely awkward.

Despite my best efforts not to appear overly happy, I could see the suspicion in Haymitch's eyes when I left. Peeta was too unhappy to see it, but I'd grown weaker at hiding my emotions from haymitch as the years went by. He regarded me with a kind of squint that made me feel uneasy. I hoped he couldn't quite read what I was thinking. The train came and as I boarded I saw Peetas plastered smile drop and his shoulders sag and temporarily I felt extraordinarily guilty. What had Peeta done to deserve this? Then again, there was no telling if I would actually shag Gale or not. Part of me did want to, but I was also afraid. What damage I do to my relationship with Peeta might never be repaired, or, if it is, I will be further indebted to him. These thoughts whirle round my head, I debated them, I justified myself, I pulled down my defence and accused myself so harshly I thought I might cry, then I thought what the hell and focused rigorously on the countryside.

sorry this chapter is so bad, I wrote it in the middle of the night x_x


End file.
